I think my vagina is haunted
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
