I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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