dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
