ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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