You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
