It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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