i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
