WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
