Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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