Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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