i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
