I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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