names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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