I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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