If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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