Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
