stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
