I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
