who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
