My underwear smells like fireworks.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
