I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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