There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
