wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
