Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
