your room smells of hookers.
And success
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
