First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
