Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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