you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
