the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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