call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
