You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
