Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
