i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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