so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
