I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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