my sisters under your porch take her home
It's just like the Real World with babies
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
