May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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