I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
