apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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