Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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