I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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