how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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