It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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