Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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