as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
