i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
