Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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