I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
