Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
