Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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