So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
