Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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