its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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